Anxiety

I’m such a loser!
I’m such a loser!
I’m such a loser!
I’m such a loser!

So I saw the guy on the bus again. I attempted to smile and say hello, but he turned he back and didn’t see me… Then he was sleeping basically the while time so I couldn’t strike up a conversation. I told myself I wouldn’t leave without saying anything, so before I got off the bus I meekly said, “bye.” I’m such a loser. He didn’t say anything back, maybe it was because I ran off the bus. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t really like me! Oh my God, what if he doesn’t?! What if it was all a misunderstanding and he was talking to me that last time because he was trying to be friendly to the other black person on the bus?! What if he’s thinking, “why the hell did that lady say “bye”? I don’t know her from Eve.”
God! This is what happens when I develop crushes. I stay up til 2 in the morning evaluating my actions and the use of one 3-letter word.
He probably thinks I’m crazy, huh? Well, that’s not too far off…

Insert confused face

Ugh! I need to step my game up because being single and 27 is NOT the business.

nails

I want this like yesterday!

http://www.beautylish.com/a/vmjca/snakeskin-nails

Edit: so I bought them and I’m still deciding if I like them. Snakeskin nails are über trendy and “cutting edge,” but I also think they look a little creepy. I keep seeing a lizard looking up at me with glowing yellow eyes…

Birthday Gift

So who’s going to send me birthday flowers to my job tomorrow?

Body Language

Oh boy… I hope he didn’t notice. I caught myself getting way too friendly with a friend of mine and that’s not the impression I want to give. No matter how cute!

Tags: friends, men

Bus Dude

Since my new job, I’ve been taking the bus everyday to work. I take a kinda-sorta special bus that not that many people ride so I recognize a lot of the people. There’s this one guy that I see everyday. I never really look at him because I think I’d be too obvious, but out of the corner of my eye, I thought he was cute. Then I started carpooling to work and thought I’d never see/talk to him [again.]
Then(!) I decided to be a stalker and told the girl I carpool with that she can go to work and I’d walk the rest of the way knowing that I’d run into Bus Dude. It worked! I just wanted to get a good look at him, but I got that and more! He spoke to me and asked why I wasn’t on the bus today. I told him I’m carpooling now and he called me a cheater.
Now, what do I do??? Is there anything to do?

Evaluation?

So this Wednesday, I have a meeting with my boss to discuss how I’m doing. Argh! I hope I’m doing a good job, but it’s a little nerve-wracking knowing they fired the last person in my position. At the beginning, I wasn’t given enough instruction, so I had to be corrected on a few “mistakes.” I don’t think the other people there want me to fail… but it’s like, why not explain everything to me? Why wait until I make a mistake? I think they’re just not good at being a supervisor. Some people aren’t good teachers.
What am I supposed to really tell my boss? That I love working here and get along with everyone? I do like working here, but some of the other assistants… I don’t know what their problems are. One just has major attitude and no… class… at all. I know we work in the entertainment business, but she’s just not a professional. Yelling at the IT guy, yelling at me (bitch, please!) just because she’s frustrated. The phones were not working and she blamed it on my phone cord being tangled. Straight up lying and saying my phone’s the only phone with a problem! Umm… no. Everyone’s has problems with their phone, that’s why you brought out a guy to fix the system. She just doesn’t know what she’s talking about most of the time. I don’t think I should call her on it, but it’s hard faking it all day long.
The other girl is just a little nerdy/anal, but whatever. I can deal with that. Except when she tells me to do stuff and then my boss says I’m doing it wrong! It definitely makes me look bad. I thought she knew what she was talking about, but I just found out she hasn’t been working there long, so she knows as much as I do! (Okay, I little bit more, but my previous experience makes up for it.)
I don’t want to make it sound like everyone I work with is an idiot and I’m the only smart person there… but I’m definitely the only one there with any drive and aspiration to do more. I mean, one’s been an assistant for 8 years! Eight years and you don’t have your own bands? What are you doing? I gotta be nice.
Be nice, do your job, earn respect.
Oh, and make contacts!

Christmas cards

This year, I think I’ll do this for my Christmas cards. (Thanks Martha Stewart!) It’s a black and white photo with accents of glitter. I gotta decide what I should be doing in the photo? Lighting a Christmas tree? Making a gingerbread house? Caroling? I need one of my sisters or someone to take a photo of me. Unless they wants to be in the photo…

Example:

World AIDS Day

Comments I wanted to make for World AIDS day that I thought people would be offended by:

“It’s world AIDS day. Get tested, whores!”

“World AIDS Day: Another reminder about the plagues the government gives people they hate.”

“…but it’s a storm you can weather.”