Clueless
I think I developed a crush on this guy because my friends liked him. I never had any strong feelings for him, but my friends were like, “he’s so nice! Go for it!” I felt I had nothing to loose, but now I feel kinda bad because he showed no real interest in me. Oh well. I’m over it, mainly because I never really was “into it.” (Plus his friend is more interesting.) But I still feel like Tai from Clueless because I want to know what’s wrong with me? “It’s my hips isn’t it?!”
poem
I wrote this a couple of months ago, but (unfortunately) it still rings true.
We care two different ways
We have two different lives
Even when connected, they can’t equally divide
My wint’ry air needs warmth
The touch of your blazing sun
I ask for some fervor
And I am given none.
My Northern Lights will shine
Remind you that I’m here
But only winds will come
To what I hold so dear.
Goooooooaaaaaaaalllllllll!
I need to set concrete career goals for myself. It’s gonna take me a while to really plan something, but for now, my goal is to work at Outside Lands Music festival and Treasure Island Music Festival. I already do festivals in Chicago and Austin, why aren’t I doing something closer to home? I did work at Outside Lands last year, but it was with a vendor, not the promoters. I want to do something that will give me relevant experience and maybe, just maybe make some good contacts. The people at my job now don’t seem that interested in helping me grow, so I guess I have to do things myself. Ah!
On a random, random note, I can feel the tattoo on my back. I thought tattoos weren’t supposed to be raised. I’m rubbing it right now and it feels weird.
Edit: Got one call back. Still waiting on the other…
bitch, bitch, bitch…
Why, oh why, do I do the things I do? Every time I talk to this guy I’m usually mad at something he did[n't do]. Somehow it always comes back to me being the mean one. Not sure how he can do this, but whatever. I don’t know what to think of the whole situation. Quite frankly, I think it’s complete bullshit. “I always forget to return phone calls.” Malarky! That should be just the beginning of a sentence. The rest should be “…except from the girl I like.” I’m not gonna fall for it. “I don’t like parties…” Well, suggest something else! I don’t want to keep doing whatever “this” is anymore. I want to trust/believe you, but I can’t. Not blindly. Do something that makes me believe you. Ugh.
And that other motherfucker… I’m so mad at him. He’s just a complete asshole and I just don’t want to talk to him ever again. He fucking just threw it in my face which was really hurtful. It’ll be easy to forget him. I don’t even remember what he looks like, haha. Definitely going on the silent ringtone (even though I said he wasn’t before.)
I guess this is all my fault/God punishing me for breaking my “no men” Lent promise (or whatever it’s called.) Sorry. I’m a bad Christian. 
Puma Concolor
What’s a cougar’s natural enemy?
A mirror?
Cancelled botox appointment?
???
::sigh:: I’m just gonna back off.
I’m confused
Friend: “That’s very Black of you.”
Umm…WTF is that supposed to mean? Seriously. I really don’t know.
So long, friend
I’m clearing my myspace inbox and I’m feeling kinda sad. I guess because as I “check all” and delete, I’m looking at all these people that I don’t talk to anymore. Why not?
