Anxiety

25 Jan

I’m such a loser!
I’m such a loser!
I’m such a loser!
I’m such a loser!

So I saw the guy on the bus again. I attempted to smile and say hello, but he turned he back and didn’t see me… Then he was sleeping basically the while time so I couldn’t strike up a conversation. I told myself I wouldn’t leave without saying anything, so before I got off the bus I meekly said, “bye.” I’m such a loser. He didn’t say anything back, maybe it was because I ran off the bus. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t really like me! Oh my God, what if he doesn’t?! What if it was all a misunderstanding and he was talking to me that last time because he was trying to be friendly to the other black person on the bus?! What if he’s thinking, “why the hell did that lady say “bye”? I don’t know her from Eve.”
God! This is what happens when I develop crushes. I stay up til 2 in the morning evaluating my actions and the use of one 3-letter word.
He probably thinks I’m crazy, huh? Well, that’s not too far off…

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